Are there situations in your life that are driving you up the freakin’ wall because no matter what you do, they just won’t change?
You’ve tried everything but that problem at work, that difficult relative, or that money issue is stuck like a rusty bolt. Today I’m gonna lay out how to accept the things you can’t change without losing your mind.
Recognizing When You Can’t Change Something
The first step is being real with yourself about what you actually have control over. If you’re banging your head against the wall on something, ask yourself – is this really within my power to change right now? Sometimes the honest answer is no. Your boss is a jerk and won’t budge, your mother-in-law will forever criticize how you load the dishwasher, your bank balance is what it is this month. Refusing to accept that reality will just leave you frustrated.
The Theory Behind Acceptance
Look, I’m not about to go all Zen philosopher on you, but there’s wisdom in the old serenity prayer about accepting the things you can’t change. Railing against reality is asking for misery. It’s like being angry at the weather forecast – it accomplishes nothing. The path of least resistance and stress is to take a deep breath and make peace with the situation, at least for now. That frees up your energy to focus on what you can control.
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
– Vivian Greene
The reality is, life will never be perfect. The storms and challenges aren’t going away, so you may as well stop wasting energy raging against them. The healthier approach is to suck it up, accept that the rain is falling, and figure out how to live your best life anyway. Quit waiting for sunshine that may never come in certain areas, and start dancing despite the raindrops. That stoic mindset of embracing your present reality, good or bad, is true wisdom.
Examples Of Letting Go
Still not convinced? Let me hit you with some examples of prudently accepting the unacceptable:
• Your neighbor’s dog barks incessantly. You’ve complained but they don’t care. At some point, you have to shrug and say “well that sucks, but I can’t control it.” noise-cancelling headphones may help.
• You got laid off from that job you loved. Anger and denial won’t change that harsh reality. After mourning it, you have to ultimately say “I’ve done what I could, now it’s time to move on and update my resume.”
• Your mother will forever make comments about your body/hair/clothes/life choices. As maddening as her criticism is, she’s not going to change at this point. The only healthy option is “well, that’s mom being mom, I don’t have to like it but I can’t stop her.”
You get the idea – some things in life are simply out of our control, no matter how badly we want to change them. Beating your head against that brick wall solves nothing. The smarter move is to take a deep breath or go for a walk, accept the sucky reality for what it is, and refocus your energy on more productive areas.
It ain’t easy, but embracing what you can’t change is the path to a calmer, less stressed existence.
